I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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