the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
