who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
