a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
