In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
