dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
