Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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