My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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