ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish I only lived at night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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