am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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