he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
