Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
