im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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