I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
