They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
did i just pee glitter
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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