you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
