i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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