You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
