I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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