I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
