dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
