I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
