apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize