You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
