Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
high people should be assigned attendants
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
