i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize