he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
