i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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