Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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