dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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