There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
