I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
