Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
