i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
