I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize