I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
