Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
