woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
