did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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