His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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