I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
