I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
