Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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