sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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