It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
