I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
