I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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