just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
