she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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