??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
