I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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