I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
