my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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