seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
