Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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