I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
