Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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