I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
