I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
