New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
