Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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