I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
