just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
