and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
