I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
