Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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