You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
