I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
